Craig Batterham writes:
It took me a while to realise that most of the time the hardest bit of this running lark is the internal mental struggles. I’m sure I’m not the only runner in existence who has all sorts of thoughts, both positive and negative, invading the brain uninvited. I rarely hear anyone talk about this side of running though, whilst there is a lot said about how physically tough a run or a race was.
Sunday 8th January was lined up to be a PB attempt on the 10k distance on a Runthrough race at Victoria Park. A nice flat wide course with good potential. If you’ve not run this course it is on a par with Battersea Park for fast courses. My PB was 54:12 set in December of 2021, injuries, niggles and losing some of the mental battles during 2022 meant I drifted a long way from that and stopped getting faster. I needed to set some goals for myself so I lined up a 5k attempt for December at Battersea, this 10k at Victoria Park and a HM attempt for the middle of January in Farnborough.
This time round though I missed beating my goal by just a few seconds. Not too bad, getting close is rewarding in its own way, knowing it is within reach. However, I lost this one at the 5k mark and you can see that easily from the pace chart from Workout Analysis on Strava.
I’m a big fan of negative splits, personally it allows me to settle into the race or run, work my way through the pack and work towards something I can comfortably build on as the race progresses, kilometres 1-3 show this perfectly. The fourth was a slight up-hill into a strong head wind which is where the slight drop off there came from. The next kilometre was all flat and straight on a wide avenue with plenty of passing space if I needed to. This is where I lost the mental battle.
There were so many little demons whispering in my ear as kilometre 6 hit it was difficult not to listen to them. My average pace was off what was needed to hit the goal, even though I knew it was coming down because of the negative splits. I had also chosen today to wear the Vaporflys I had got in the January sales and the mantra “nothing new on race day” was stuck on repeat. My diet the days leading up to the race had been far from perfect. I’d forgotten to bring along any caffeine bullets, gels or any form of fuel so I was running this on a small porridge I had eaten four hours before the race began and then there was the new niggle.
Almost as if it had been ordered to start the year off perfectly I developed plantar fasciitis around the heel of my left foot. Very painful first thing in the morning but not yet painful enough to stop me training or racing. The dull ache that it becomes when I am running popped up to the front of my mind and, combined with everything else hitting at the same time I made a choice to ease up a bit. I wasn’t going to hit my goal, there was no need to push anymore, I should just sit back and enjoy the run. So I backed off, I slowed a little more each kilometre. All those little voices of doubt immediately vanished and I counted down the distance as I passed the markers on the side of the course with a smile on my face, it’s was a lovely morning for a run.
‘Four kilometres to go, less than a Parkrun.’ ‘Three kilometres to go, last up hill but done.’ ‘Two to go, last turn on to the home straight.’ As I get the the marker brightly displaying 9km I check my watch. There was a lot more time left than I had expected! Was something wrong, was the marker placed wrong? Checked the watch again, nope it said the same. I was so close, how did this happen?!?
I pushed that last thousand meters, I didn’t have enough time to break my PB but I could get close and I had to try. I eased the pace up over the distance and used other runners to help pull me along, running imaginary races with them in my own head. Overtaking where I could, fighting off those that were trying to pass me. The last few hundred meters came up and I put in as much speed as I had down the path and onto the slippery mud trying my best to keep ahead of the breathing I could hear over my shoulder.
The chip time was 54:49, so close and well within reach if I hadn’t let my doubts get the better of me. After I’d collected the medal, goodies and flapjack I did my brief assessment and notes on Training Peaks for Jenny to see whilst it was still fresh in my mind, you can see I already knew where it had all fallen apart.
These thoughts and feelings are always there, on race day, interval training, club run, long run. Doesn’t matter. When I am on the way to a run or at the start my body is telling me all the little bits that hurt and my mind uses this to find excuses not to be there, not to run. Surrounded by other runners at the start of races that are all seemingly younger and fitter than me I will start to feel inadequate and doubt my ability to even complete the distance regardless of it being a 5k or HM. That first mile is always hard, less so after a warm up, but it really does take around a mile to settle into a race or run for me. All of this noise is there constantly nagging away.
This is one of the reasons I have raced so much, put myself in those difficult positions, constantly knocked those demons back, practiced the little tricks I have read about in those running books to see if they work for me and use the ones that do for the bigger events. The ‘A’ races. It has also been excellent practice for race registration, bag drop, checking the right stuff is in my bag for the race, what to eat before and during, when to eat it and when I need to be thinking about braving the porta-loo.
Running is actually the easiest part!
